Wednesday, September 9, 2015

If I could do anything

If I could do anything I would find every little girl and boy who ever wished upon a star and teach them astronomy and math. I would gather children around to study music and poetry. No more reading just to read, READ TO LEARN and GROW and ACHIEVE and BE.
We would run races and there would be winners and losers and some people would have to learn to be nice and others would have to learn to be disappointed.
We would climb trees and get stuck and figure it out and sometimes fall out and get hurt, but get up again and climb the next smaller tree.
We would roller skate with real lace up skates and skin out knees and elbows. We would learn to skate backwards and gain a new perspective on things.
We would lay in the grass and study bugs, they would get dirty and it would be ok. Maybe some earthworms would cross our paths, maybe a snake and it would be ok too.
We would sing songs and dance dances.
They would set goals and achieve them. This is the only way to gain real self esteem, the kind that counts for something, not blown up ego.
I would take all the children who don't have parents who care for them and I would teach them how life should be. Parents should feed their kids and give them safe, warm places to live. Kids should not be afraid because monsters should be pretend.
I would take all the parents who were never taught to ride a bike or never learned to swim and let them learn and not drown.
I would hope to catch them before they decide not to care anymore. There are many people who don't read and don't learn and don't grow. School is just a place to get out of, classes are a place to complete work and learning is optional and stops when you leave school.
"Become as a little child" means more than humility, it is being teachable and growable and joyful (I know growable not a word, but you get what I mean).
So now, go find one child and do this for them. One child who doesn't have adults to show them how. One child who dreams of the sky and stars, but is forced to live on the ground.
Especially a teenager because they are the most lost. They don't know how to be an adult, but refuse to be a child. Give them a hug.
If no one did this for you, do it for yourself. Find some lace up skates and skate to the park. Wear bubble wrap in case you fall.
If I could do anything, I would do it all.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

I came across this on Pinterest and it's really fitting right now for me in my life. These are emotional mountains that I need to conquer and starting with #1 is as good an idea as any.

I don't know where I picked up the idea that I wanted, or needed, to be right. I have fought arguments for no good reason and no good ending. I need to feel justified. I need to feel respected. Sometimes, I just want the other person to know that they are NOT right. So, giving it up right now. Here's hoping for the best and some good stories to share.

Just now I thought of one. I had a long conversation with my sister yesterday and we discussed some of the things that have helped her overcome her depression and instead of listening and learning I spent the whole time telling her how I was doing it and how what she had to say did not apply to me because I was doing it my own way which was just as good...blah, blah, blah...
Oh, yes, I have just a little bitty need to be right, occasionally, all the time.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Forgive or fester?

Today was actually a good day. 90% of it went fine. We spent a good day with friends at a water park celebrating not returning to school. I got to swim and enjoyed the sun  (and the shade). I got to show off my new bathing suit bottoms that I made last night and it was fun.
Then we went to the Scout Court of Honor and I realized that since Sunday I have been festering. See, on Sunday, about mid way through church it dawned on me that my whole car situation was a result of other people not doing what they should. I am losing the financial battle because of other people's poor choices and I don't know how to handle it. I saw a particular person today and wanted to shout and swear and make sure he knew exactly what he had done to put me in this awful situation that I don't know how to get out of.
I'm scared and frustrated and I don't know what to do and so it feels good to focus my anger on the person in front of me that I can get angry about. The person who hit my car is long gone. They will probably never be found and even if they are the chances they have insurance to solve this for me are slim and none. It doesn't make me feel any better to be mad at a faceless minivan driving away. But the person who put me in the situation to be there in the first place. He's right in front of me and it feels empowering to want to make sure he knows what he has done. It doesn't help that I was mad at him before this anyway.
So, now the choice. Do I continue to fester? Do I continue to drink the poison hoping it will make someone else sick? Do I continue to refuse to forgive because it gives me something to hold on to when there doesn't seem to be anything else to prop me up? Do I "let it go"?
Even as I type this I know my choice. I can feel the peace coming if I choose to accept it. I can feel the tears brimming even though crying won't help. Slowly drop by drop I hope stress is leaving. Breath by breath I want to feel ok. For now I shrug, get a glass of water and head to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I'm sure there will be more tears and pain and frustration before all this is over and forgiving him doesn't change the problem I was mad about in the first place. I still have to confront and stand strong to change the future and hope that I am never put in this position again.
Looking for the help of angels, pretty sure I have lots of "earthly angels" who love me around doing what they can.
Peace, love and hugs to all.

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