Saturday, February 28, 2009
Shaun in far right.
Shaun not paying attention in far right.
I think I am going to buy stock in Oxyclean because we will all be buying a lot more now that it only takes 30 seconds for baseball pants to get dirt and grass stains even before the game begins.
Friday, February 27, 2009
they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough
doesn't come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what
the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child's growth
is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I often feel like this in my efforts to be classier than I really am.
Martha will not be joining us-to my Thanksgiving guests
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes.
Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks to do not have the desired effect.
The dining table will not be covered with expensive fancy linens, fancy china or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration, handcrafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey hot line.
Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00am upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.
In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.
Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private." Meaning: Do not, under any circumstances enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints.
I am Thankful!!!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Look familiar anyone. I had a pair-in 1987!!!!!!
Wasn't once enough?
Next thing you know we'll all be talking like valley girls again. (Of course, maybe, some of us never like totally got over talking like that. Gag me with a spoon, psyche!)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
What I figured out is that I could eat 20 homemade chocolate chip cookies and still have less fat, less calories, and less sodium than one lunch at Taco Bell. And the cookies actually have more protein and more dietary fiber.
The chicken sandwich at J in the B=15 cookies for calories only 6 cookies for fat and 200 cookies for sodium.
So the next time you decide to make a run for the border, reconsider. You can stop by my house and we'll have a dozen cookies each and feel good about our new diet.
COLLINSVILLE, Ill. – Hackers are messing with electronic road signs in some states, warning of zombies and raptors down the road. Traffic safety officials aren't amused. The latest breach came during Tuesday morning's rush hour near Collinsville, Ill., east of St. Louis. That's where hackers changed a sign along southbound Interstate 255 to read, "DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES."
Similar pranks have been pulled in recent days near Indianapolis and in Austin, Texas.
The Illinois Department of Transportation's Joe Gasaway worries that such pranks distract drivers from legitimate hazards down the road, perhaps endangering road crews.
In Illinois, tampering with an official traffic control device is a misdemeanor punishable by up to a $250 fine.