I haven't blogged here for months. I wish I had a better excuse.
So often life gets in the way of focusing on what is important. How do clean dishes get in the way of Family Home evening? or being too tired from work means I fall asleep before prayer with Shaun. My attempt to create a way to support myself so I can get into a position to stay home with Shaun has actually created a second job and could take up another 20-40 hours each week of my time.
I am exhausted body and soul and often on the brink of tears as I try to plod along, making do.
Then there are rare moments when I remember the real meaning of things. (Hint...it's not a clean kitchen floor or a well done toe nails)
In these moments I remember "the plan", the reason we came to earth. We have these families and they are our salvation. They are the people that teach us humility and patience, love regardless of what we or they have done, happiness and support. Our kids teach us love beyond measure and how not to kill someone who might very well deserve it. We learn that temporal things are not as important as the tender feelings of a small person. We sacrifice and devote ourselves to their happiness and somehow we are happier for the loss.
There are so many things I would like to do, I have so many plans I wish I could follow through on. I want goals and accomplishments. I want to feel useful and needed. I tend to mix up "my plans" with "His plan". I tend to mix up temporal and spiritual. I tend to give priority to that which lives for today instead of that which brings "life eternal".
I don't really have cure for it, I don't know exactly how to fix it. Only the constant reminders as I read scripture, attend church and listen to the words of the Prophet and Apostles and of course my own quite personal prayers.
Just get through today, do my best, and wake up and try again tomorrow. When I decide "my plans" for the day, I will try to put "His plans" first and let the rest fall in how and where it may.